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I'm so happy February is finally here! Mainly because I'm gonna spend the next two weeks with my love and my kids, but also because January was a complicated month with lots of ups and down. There were some wonderful moments where I felt great, on top of things really. And then I had some really dark times whenever frustration, exhaustion and impatience got the better of me. Once again, I had proof that I really need to take a step back from my emotions. Whenever I let them drag me down, I drag everyone down with me. (My husband can testify about that.) The good news is, thanks to meditation, I'm starting to put some distance between me and my emotions. I see them, I know they're a part of me, but I get the feeling I could choose not to listen to them. Headspace, the wonderful app I use to meditate, talks about the blue sky metaphor. Check this awesome video that explains it all:
I love this metaphor but another image actually popped up in my head. You see, my negative emotions (anger, temper, pessimism, among other things) are like a lake. I tend to think I'm in the middle of that lake and I fight against all these feelings and emotions that are dragging me down to the bottom. But about a month ago, after a meditation session, I realized I'm not in the middle of the lake, I'm standing on the bank. And, in fact, I choose, albeit unconsciously, to dive headfirst in the murky waters of my emotions. The key is to step back and remain calm enough not to dive. But it is easier said than done.
I couldn't help but dive. Several times. It's quite fascinating to watch your own emotions and realize you don't have to give in to them. I could have read a book, watched TV or kept my mind busy while waiting for the storm to pass. But I decided to dive in the lake, wich triggered a couple of heated arguments with my husband. But I'm learning. I really saw how my emotions could wreak havoc in my life if I let them run free. I am determined not to let that happen anymore, or as little as can be.
So, for February, I chose the word INVINCIBLE. I don't want to hit the bottom again. I wanna raise mountains. I need energy to do so, this is why one of my goals this month is to go to bed before 11pm every night, even on weekends. I'm gonna make it, I know I am. This time, my word for the month is not a direction I need to follow, it's a statement of intent. Yes, I have many, many things to do because of our move from Brittany to Provence. But I'm gonna break it all down in small steps, take it all in stride, without stressing out, and everything's gonna be fine.
|Illustration found on Pinterest.|