(Version française disponible ici.)
I don't really know what happened but I think I had another break-through in my life-long struggle with my body image. Suddenly putting on a bathing suit isn't so daunting anymore. I'm not the sexiest girl in the world when I wear a bikini and I never will be. But that's OK. What matters most is that I have come to terms with the fact I'll never be as sexy as I wish I was. What other people think of me, the way they look at me, it has an impact, of course, be it in a positive or in a negative way. But ever since I've started to make peace with my body and the way it looks, I'm constantly reminded that the most important outlook is my own. I am my worst critic. I don't think other people hurled as much insults at me as I hurled at myself. I came to understand I needed to change the vision I had of myself. I needed to stop being my own worst enemy. Through all the outfit pictures on this blog, I got to know my body better, I got to see it, not just in a mirror, but from another perspective, almost as if it belonged to someone else. The pictures establish a distance that allows me to look at it in a not so critical way and discover things I actually like. That's why I put on my bathing suits and asked my husband to take pictures. (He happily obliged.) I won't publish the pictures, although I could have done so for this new French Curves challenge, which was all about having fun at the beach. I neither feel the need nor the desire to post these pictures. I won't call that modesty, because I'm a fashion blogger after all, but I don't feel like exposing myself to such an extent. And I don't think I need to. This blog, all these photoshoots week after week, are really helpful when it comes to accepting myself and my image. I feel so much better in my own skin and I'm starting to really pinpoint my own style. But when it comes to bikinis, acceptance came another way, outside of the blog. I don't really know why, but suddenly I understood that the only thing that truly mattered was having a good time. I stopped caring about what other people might think of me and I started focusing on the way I felt. It is so good to jump in the sea with my kids, to play with them among the waves, to swim with them. (Although bikinis might not be the best idea for such play time. Regular old bathing suits are preferable if you're looking to avoid a possible wardrobe malfunction!) The other day at the beach, I had a wonderful time. When I came out of the water, I loved putting on a beautiful tunic and a nice hat. I don't know if I was sexy. Objectively it's hard to know. Can anyone be objective about the way you look? But I did feel sexy taking a walk on that beach in that outfit. And suddenly it was all that mattered. The way I felt. Maybe I was sexy, maybe I wasn't. Who cares? But I felt sexy and that was great. I didn't wonder whether people were looking at me. I didn't try to lower my tunic to cover my ass a bit more. I just relished the fact that, in that outfit, I felt good. I liked the way I looked. And truly that was the only thing that mattered.
If I had pictures of that day at the beach, I would have posted them for this new challenge. The only rule this month was to include a bathing suit in our outfit. And I would have loved to show you my beautiful tunic. But when I go for a swim, I never take my camera with me, I don't like leaving it on the sand with no one to watch it. Which is why those pictures were taken in the public garden next door. It's the perfect outfit for a fancy beach party, with my favorite shorts and a beautiful transparent top to display my equally beautiful polka dots bikini.
Top: Big Beauty pour Taillissime spring-summer 2011
Shorts: Asos (spring-summer 2013)
Bikini: Etam (spring-summer 2012)
Wedges: Castaner (old)